Today’s August Moon prompt is “Let me tell you what I’m afraid of.”
I’ve been thinking about this all day, and not really knowing how to respond. Which strikes me as curious, which then prompts another round of thinking. Rinse and repeat. And still no clarity.
It seems ridiculous not to know what you’re afraid of.
Immediate off-the-top-of-my-head responses might be: public speaking on a vast stage; being burned at the stake; being humiliated; being the focus of intense scrutiny; being homeless and forced to live on the streets.
But am I really afraid of those things? I’m not so sure. I wouldn’t LIKE any of them certainly, but I’m not convinced fear is the right word.
On the other hand, I don’t want to get caught up in semantics; nor do I want to pretend I have some anti-fear superpowers. Although I CAN imagine that would make for a wonderful costume opportunity.
It IS true that for as long as I can remember one of the tenets of my personal spiritual practice has been “choose love over fear in each now moment.” I have that engraved on one of the many bangles I wear that I never remove, so it’s been part of my energy field for ages.
And I’ve always felt a great affinity for The Litany Against Fear as invoked by the Bene Gesserit in Frank Herbert’s Dune.
“I will not fear.
Fear is the mind-killer.
Fear is the little-death that brings total obliteration.
I will face my fear.
I will permit it to pass over me and through me.
And when it has gone past I will turn the inner eye to see its path.
Where the fear has gone there will be nothing. Only I will remain.”
But I suppose in truth that’s more of how I’d like to be than I actually am.
I think perhaps it’s safe to say that I’m afraid of things that move too quickly for me. Like scurrying mice and fast-moving bugs. Nearing-the-speed-of-sound rollercoasters. No one will ever be able to accuse me of being an early adapter to any technology. I like to think it’s because of my dosha type in the Ayurveda system is Kapha – I’m slow moving and that’s how I like my world to move. But maybe I just use that as a rationalization.
Even as I struggle in a somewhat frivolous way trying to honestly define what I’m afraid of, I think it’s remarkably synchronistic that this weekend I happened to begin reading Freedom from Fear – the collected writings of Nobel Peace prize winner Aung San Suu Kyi who is now an opposition party leader in Myanmar after years of being a political prisoner.
So you can see I’m definitely all over the place with this topic. While I may not be able to conclusively define what I’m afraid of, I can tell you most definitely I DO know how to celebrate March 9th which is Panic Day.
There’s really only one thing to do:
When in trouble, fear or doubt;
Run in circles, scream and shout.
I hope to save my panic and circle-running for celebration purposes only, but in the meantime let me ask you – what do you fear? Do tell – you know I want to hear.