Today’s August Moon prompt is “Let me tell you what I’m afraid of.”
I’ve been thinking about this all day, and not really knowing how to respond. Which strikes me as curious, which then prompts another round of thinking. Rinse and repeat. And still no clarity.
It seems ridiculous not to know what you’re afraid of.
Immediate off-the-top-of-my-head responses might be: public speaking on a vast stage; being burned at the stake; being humiliated; being the focus of intense scrutiny; being homeless and forced to live on the streets.
But am I really afraid of those things? I’m not so sure. I wouldn’t LIKE any of them certainly, but I’m not convinced fear is the right word.
On the other hand, I don’t want to get caught up in semantics; nor do I want to pretend I have some anti-fear superpowers. Although I CAN imagine that would make for a wonderful costume opportunity.
It IS true that for as long as I can remember one of the tenets of my personal spiritual practice has been “choose love over fear in each now moment.” I have that engraved on one of the many bangles I wear that I never remove, so it’s been part of my energy field for ages.
And I’ve always felt a great affinity for The Litany Against Fear as invoked by the Bene Gesserit in Frank Herbert’s Dune.
“I will not fear.
Fear is the mind-killer.
Fear is the little-death that brings total obliteration.
I will face my fear.
I will permit it to pass over me and through me.
And when it has gone past I will turn the inner eye to see its path.
Where the fear has gone there will be nothing. Only I will remain.”
But I suppose in truth that’s more of how I’d like to be than I actually am.
I think perhaps it’s safe to say that I’m afraid of things that move too quickly for me. Like scurrying mice and fast-moving bugs. Nearing-the-speed-of-sound rollercoasters. No one will ever be able to accuse me of being an early adapter to any technology. I like to think it’s because of my dosha type in the Ayurveda system is Kapha – I’m slow moving and that’s how I like my world to move. But maybe I just use that as a rationalization.
Even as I struggle in a somewhat frivolous way trying to honestly define what I’m afraid of, I think it’s remarkably synchronistic that this weekend I happened to begin reading Freedom from Fear – the collected writings of Nobel Peace prize winner Aung San Suu Kyi who is now an opposition party leader in Myanmar after years of being a political prisoner.
So you can see I’m definitely all over the place with this topic. While I may not be able to conclusively define what I’m afraid of, I can tell you most definitely I DO know how to celebrate March 9th which is Panic Day.
There’s really only one thing to do:
When in trouble, fear or doubt;
Run in circles, scream and shout.
I hope to save my panic and circle-running for celebration purposes only, but in the meantime let me ask you – what do you fear? Do tell – you know I want to hear.
Those anti-fear superpowers would sure come in handy sometimes. And I love The litany against fear. Thanks for your well thought out response.
I really appreciate you stopping by and saying hi Alana, AND for your thought-provoking prompts. I have not doubt this will be an illuminating August Moon for all of us.
The most common fear I hear of from others and have been working on for myself is the fear of ‘uncertainty’ of the future. Wondering if this or that would be a better choice etc.
My favorite line in your post today that made me laugh out loud was this:
“No one will ever be able to accuse me of being an early adapter to any technology.”
That is SO ME!!
I think it’s human nature to crave certainty, to want guarantees before we head into anything. But life doesn’t really happen that way does it? Which is why I love the guidance I always receive to follow my heart compass and head in the direction of what’s bringing me joy.
I’m trying to think what I’m afraid of too. Loss of control maybe? I think fear stems from lack of faith. Great post!
Ah yes Naomi – that’s a good call.
I’vee been refloecting on the fear issue a lot, but there a time comes when I forget and let the fear come on my way again. Fear is strongly connected to insecurities, so when I fear something I start observing myself and how insecure I might be and work on that.
That’s a wonderful way to work with it Anna – to know that insecurity triggers your fear and then work directly on shifting that.
My fears have really changed in recent years. Curiously I’ve never been afraid of change (I tend to find it exciting). It used to be I was afraid of being incapacitated (had a large horse farm I was responsible for with limited emergency support options). Now, so silly I know, my biggest fears seem to involve how people are judging me. I suppose it has a lot to do with my moving to help my father and a whole lot of childhood junk I thought long forgotten surfacing. My solution is a move. I suppose that says more about me than I’d care to recognize.
It can be so challenging can’t it Nanette, when we find ourselves triggered by childhood stuff. It seems to transport us right back into a state of vulnerability, despite how sovereign we know ourselves to be otherwise. Wishing you lots of ease and grace as you navigate this.
My heart stopped when I saw the March 9th reference. It’s my sister’s birthday and also the day my dear friend LLB died from pancreatic cancer.
Oops. I made my little Pan comment before I read yours, Kel. (What, me insensetive?!)
Love to you on grieving the loss of LLB. ♡
Oh Kelly – that’s certainly a lot of contrasting energy associations for a day to hold. Swaddling your heart with gentle love.
Ooh! A whole day to celebrate Pan! Next March the ninth, shall we whip out the old pan pipes and gallop through the woods together?
LOL – sounds perfect Harmony!
I have a huge fear of disappointing others…..falling short of their expectations of me. I have had that fear as long as I can remember and it is really difficult sometimes to overcome it. No question that it has held me back throughout my life on many different levels.
That’s a hard one to carry Debbie. I wish you ease in finding a way to release it.