My heart feels a little tender today. But before I talk more about that, let this be a reminder that the proverbial doors of Artysville’s Glue-It-Tuesday salon have been flung open and we’re all invited to go see what gluing goodness is happening.
Here’s a peek at a 2-page spread in one of my journals.
A friend, who is part of a circle I’ve been doing deep soul work with for several years, has decided to leave the group. I totally respect and honor that – if there’s one thing I adamantly encourage it is paying attention to your guidance and following your heart. So while I celebrate my friend’s decision as right for her, there is a sadness as well. And a knowing that significant changes like this in a group cause ripples and waves as everyone finds their own peace and place in the reconfiguration. So I’m giving my heart a little extra TLC today and flowing compassion as widely as I can to everything. Tender touches for all.
It felt like a loving little gift from spirit when I came across the photo of the ducks this morning. There it was, a lone photo, nestled in a box where I keep stuff I want to journal about. I don’t really exactly remember taking the photo, although I remember the scene. But it certainly was a long time ago – I can’t remember the last time I had film developed. But in any case, there the photo was. One duck in the forefront separated from the others. It seemed like a perfect metaphor for the group situation.
But I’ve also continued to think about that scene in another way. How often I see myself as the lone duck. How sometimes I feel separated from others – how my eccentricities, my sensitivities, my stories – keep me from feeling like I belong. But even as I think that I know the picture changes in that next frame that I didn’t get the photo of. In that next moment I get folded back into the group (or go off and find another group). We all have those moments of feeling apart; but there are always the moments of remembering our unity. The message for me today was not to get stuck thinking the final picture is one where I’m standing alone.
The second page is a bit of a reminder about a dream I had just before waking this morning, that’s also been playing on my mind. I was thinking about my mom a lot yesterday. Although she’s been dead for many years now, I still find myself surprised sometimes at how tender my heart can be around that loss. She had a stroke a little over a year before she died and that journey as we navigated our time together was one of the most profound in my life. While it was certainly one of the hardest times, it was also one of the most blessed. One of the things I was remembering was how after the stroke, how much more everything was on the surface for her. It was as though all her secret inside places got thrown open so she could look at them. I was telling her than in my dream, and she smiled and pointed to me. When I looked down, I saw I had little drawers in my torso, and I somehow also knew the top of my head opened up on a hinge and there was a cool little storage cubby there as well. I was getting more and more excited as I realized I had these secret places I could now access and then oops, excitement won and popped me out of the dream. But it left its message and I’ve been thinking about it. What have I kept hidden from myself that I’m now ready to look at?
What about you? Are you feeling like there are things about yourself you’re ready to reveal to yourself? Have you had any wonderful dreams lately? Any sad losses that we can send some comforting love for? If we peeked into a secret drawer of yours, what might we see? Do tell – you know I love to hear.
I really like your writing. It makes me thinking about my inner self. I very often fell like the lonely duck, but unlike her I am alone, but not lonely. Being alone helps me being creative, but I can share, whenever I want to. It must be my own decision, when to be alone, so I don´t feel lonely.
Your pages are great collages, really love them and thank you for your visit and your kind words.
Cheers
Gabriele 5
That’s an excellent distinction Gabiele – being alone vs lonely. Here’s to us all having exactly the right amount of alone time to thrive!
Simply beautiful, Deborah. Thank you for the way you share your heart with us all. You are truly a blessing in my life and I’m so grateful our angels brought us together.
Oh Beautiful Laurel, thank you. And thank you Angels!
Beautiful blog entry and lovely journal spread. Very serene pages. Also made me think of my mom’s last few months and passing after a stroke. Thank you for sharing.
Thanks for the kind words Betsy. Sending a dose of love your way. No matter what our relationship is/was with our mothers, there is always a tenderness of heart when we move from the role of being our mother’s daughter in the physical.
Beautiful post, Deborah…very insightful & introspective. I immediately thought about the distinction between being alone vs. being lonely. My alone time nurtures my creative spirit…I desperately need it otherwise my creativity suffers. Being a wife & mother, getting pulled in many directions, I make sure to carve out that time for myself (maybe just 10 minutes!) …but it has taken me a long time to realize that time is so important to me.
You’ve hit upon something really important Patricia. I’m glad you figured it out and find ways to honor that need for alone time. I think that’s so essential for all of us. So much of our lives are spent in relationship with others – which of course is a good thing. But we can’t neglect our relationship with our own self and the nurturing our self needs.
I am walking more and more into the space of accepting who I am.
Just that.
Could I? Would I? Dare I?
I have discovered a misalignment.
It is as if while I am seeking attention from the chiropractor and massage therapist for adjustments and stretching of my body, I am discovering also that my SELF needs some adjustments and stretching.
I have discovered that just like I ignored my the pain in my body or tried to medicate it, I have done the same with the uncomfortableness of being me. I have filled my head with too many ideas from others. Too many “ways” of living.
It feels good to step into myself and allow the adjustments, the stretching.
I feel like I am being healed from the outside in.
What a profound awareness Cynthia Lee. And one that shifts everything. Sending love!
I feel you, Deborah. I can be very similar. Often it’s just my perception that I’m alone… the group would say that isn’t the case. I hope that person who has chosen to leave your circle can also feel your love. It sometimes seems that we don’t influence other people by our actions, but clearly she has.
It’s sometimes so hard to hold on to the remembering that we’re all connected, always with everything.
What a sweet journal page, and sweet idea to use old film photos as a way to look back on days gone bye. 🙂
Thanks. I have to say film photographs are holding a special fascination for me at the moment, so I’ll have to see where that goes. Infinite inspirations, not-so-infinite time. 😉
Hi Deborah,
I am sorry about your loss. I know how that feels. This summer, one of my closest friends who works with me found a job at a different company. We used to eat lunch together every day and now she isn’t nearby anymore to eat lunch with. Another very good friend of mine is moving to FL. It was hard for me emotionally. I found myself just breaking into tears every so often. I am still adjusting.
So I feel your pain, sister!
Sending a dose of gentle love to you and your tender heart Amy.
I love how you honor everyone to follow their heart and my heart goes out to you during this transition.
Thank you Michele.