One of the interesting things about the work I do with clients is how often I see themes reflected – individuals expressing something personal, yet together it holds a collective theme as well. Right now I’m seeing a lot of grief, and frankly my heart is heavy too.
It occurred to me this might be a good time to talk about the tools available that I use and often recommend to help navigate through grief.
Grief, heart break, and sadness are part of all our lives. And we all journey with them differently, both based on who we are and the particular circumstances. There is certainly no one-size fits all prescription, but there are ways we can support ourselves that allow us to move through these periods with a bit more ease and grace. And that’s certainly what we all want. We don’t want to deny or cover up our feelings – that never works anyway in the long run, and risks having them burst out in unexpected ways when we’re least expecting or prepared for them. But nor do we want to stay permanently mired and stuck in the grief. We don’t want the energies to become congested, we want them to flow.
Thinking about ourselves as energetic beings and grief in terms of flow can be useful in tuning into things that might support us.
There’s a reason we cry – it’s a release, a flow. There are other “watery” things that help as well.
I use flower essences daily and they are certainly one of the supports I recommend. If you had to limit yourself to only one, Rescue Remedy would be a good choice to have at hand. This can be particularly helpiful to stay calm and centered during the immediate aftermath of crisis. FES (Flower Essence Society) offers a blend called Grief Relief which is a combination of essences that can be very helpful, and I often take that for a bit. And then I move into individual essences. I find Bleeding Heart, Star of Bethlahem, Borage, and the various Yarrows helpful.
Salt water baths can be comforting too, and help clear energy. I often add a few drops of essences to the bath as well.
Upping your intake of water can be helpful as well. This is a good way to work with the flower essences too – adding them to your drinking water.
I’m also an advocate of aromatherapy, and essential oils are an important support to me. For grief I like working with myrrh (it can help with inner stillness and peace), vetiver (which is grounding and comforting), and roman chamomile (which is calming and I find peaceful). At some point I might choose to add in some bergamot or grapefruit which brings in a bit of lightness and opens the door to an increased sense of optimism. I don’t rush this step, but you can tell when you’re ready.
Working with the vibrational energy of the stone beings can be helpful as well. Rose Quartz is my go-to heart healer. I love it so much I have large chunks of it in every room in my home. Some people find Apache Tears Obsidian useful during periods of grief as well.
Listening to comforting music can be supportive as well. I particularly like mantras, kirtans, blessings. Years ago I heard a blessing/prayer sung by monks that I use all the time now. It’s one of my most frequent go-to blessings.
“Love before you, love behind you, love to the left of you, love to the right of you, love above you, love below you, love unto you, love in your surroundings, love to all, love to the universe.
Peace before you, peace behind you, peace to the left of you, peace to the right of you, peace above you, peace below you, peace unto you, peace in your surroundings, peace to all, peace to the universe.
Light before you, light behind you, light to the left of you, light to the right of you, light above you, light below you, light unto you, light in your surroundings, light to all, light to the universe.”
Beautiful isn’t it? While I use it for others, I also use it as a self-blessing as well.
When journeying through grief it really is time for taking overall good nurturing care of yourself – eating properly, honoring your need for space and perhaps napping, and simply ramping up the loving-kindness to self exponentially. Being outside in nature, grounding, and simply hooking into the energetic grid of Earth can be comforting as well.
And most of all it can be helpful to remember the gifts you received from what is now lost. We can grow strong in the holding of what feels most tender now, and we can always hold love for those beings and things that touched our hearts most deeply.
These are tender times whether you’re experiencing grief yourself or not. Let’s tend to ourselves and each other with gentleness and deep kindness.
Wonderful ideas. I tend to read and exercise, as well as enjoying my favorite scents. It takes a while to get to the point of remembering the gifts without crying a lot. My girls and I can now discuss memories of their dad with laughter and gratitude instead of tears.
I’m glad you and your daughters have reached that point Margaret. And I’m glad you’ve got a toolkit to turn to when needed.
Hi Deborah – yes my #WATWB post this month addresses this issue – but without your wonderful suggestions for coping – I love flower essences … and Rescue Remedy Cream I use everyday …
… this is a brilliant collection for us all to come back to – such sensible, helpful ideas … grief can come and go – so here you’ve given us ways to help ourselves …
Cheers Hilary
Flower essences are truly one of my favorite supports, and it delights me to hear you enjoy them as well. I keep a tube of Rescue Remedy cream on hand as well.
I look forward to popping over and reading your latest post. Somehow January got away from me – I’ll try to return to #WATWB this month.
Deborah, thank you for all these ideas. It IS timely and personally useful. I dance with Sister Grief on an ongoing basis. It ebbs and flows, and, indeed, rises to the surface in unexpected ways sometimes. You’ve offered new things to consider. Thistle Farms (mentioned in a previous post) sells their signature essential oil blends. One of my favorites is their Exodus Oil. It may be an off-putting name (it can be used for last rite annointing), but also for letting go or moving on from those things and emotional places that no longer serve or that we need to have die in order for us to be born to new paths and new expressions of life. And, of course, you know me from my writing that I see Sister Grief in an embrace with Sister Joy – I have space to hold them both together. Love your posts (but you know that).
Exodus Oil sounds like a wonderful support Carol. You know I hold you in my heart as you dance with grief.
I truly appreciate how you describe “Sister Grief” and “Sister Joy.” Yes indeed.
It makes me smile that you mention Thistle Farms as just yesterday a friend showed me one of their essential oil bracelets she received as a gift.
Hari OM
All gorgeous and meaningful assistants in our process! … as a practitioner, I was always offering these and other related things, but remembering to use them for myself is the key to keeping going. I needed this reminder today, as I struggle a little with all that needs doing here now… ta! YAM xx
It’s interesting how often that happens Yamini – the forgetting to incorporate for ourselves what we know helps and have suggested to others. But I like to think the cosmic backup reminder system is always on the job, and some unexpected thing comes to attention and we remember. So I’m glad this post functioned in that way for you.
Sending love your way as you navigate this unfolding journey and find ease with your schedule.